(Hilary Valdez)
In the changing landscape of modern society, young men struggle with the complexities of masculinity and personal identity. If you’re a father with a young boy, living in an era marked by rapid change and a reexamination of traditional gender roles, it can be overwhelming to navigate your son into a world that seems to lack a clear, modern definition of manhood.
Mothers and fathers search for a modern definition of manhood sans adhering to rigid societal norms or outdated stereotypes. Modern parenting is about embracing the full spectrum of human emotions and experiences. Fostering empathy, vulnerability, and self-awareness while balancing the redefinition of masculinity for a new generation.
Each man-child is on a journey traversing the complexities of modern masculinity. Each young male is challenging societal expectations and forging his own unique path towards self-discovery and manhood. If a boy was raised by a single mother, and the absence of a strong male role model in his life, the path to male maturity is a little more challenging. As he grows older, he finds himself questioning the meaning of masculinity and searching for guidance on how to become a man in a society that is increasingly challenging the traditional notions of gender.
As a child I looked to male movie actors for masculine identification. All the bravado and fearless acts of courage were instrumental on my young impressionable mind. My friends often imitated the hyper-masculine stereotypes of the popular culture of that era. That wasn’t enough for me. I wanted a deeper understanding of what it meant to be a man and discover who I was. I questioned whether violence and aggression were truly essential components of masculinity. Did I need to know how to sword fight, shoot guns, and ride horses, or were there other ways to be a strong, and compassionate man in a world that often seemed to value brute force, and combat skills, over empathy?
After serving in the Marine Corps, I took my advanced combat skills and began exploring various philosophies and schools of thought that offered guidance on personal growth and self-awareness. During university days, I attended workshops, read countless books, and sought the counsel of different psychology professors who could offer insights into the journey towards self-discovery and emotional maturity. I attended numerous clinical lectures, encounter groups, weekend growth sessions, and began to understand the importance of embracing vulnerability, openness, and empathy in my relationships. I recognized that true strength lay not in dominating others, being in fights, or suppressing emotions, but in cultivating a deeper understanding of my own feelings and fostering genuine connections with others.
I had a lot of growth work to do. I was out of synch internally, indicating conflicting forces in my mental life. I had fuzzy thinking. It wasn’t until I learned that conflicts occur when the person I would like to be, my ideal self; and the person I think I am, my self-image; and the person I actually am, my true-self, were out of synch. Whew! How do I get clarity? Takes time to understand yourself: gotta dig deep and be honest with yourself. I came to realize that the balanced part of me strives to encompass inner experiences, outer behavior, my biological nature, various social roles, functioning individually, and functioning in groups. The balanced self is the image of the person I would most like to be. Now, I just have to muster up the courage to be myself.
So, the question was: how do I describe myself? What are key ideas my parents taught me? What do I think of myself now? The role of all men is to become a mentor and role model for other young boys and men struggling with self-identity issues and what is means to be a man in modern society in a constantly shifting social landscape. There are four generations in the work force. Each generation has their own set of values, speaking style, music, and dress style. But what doesn’t go out of style is manners, etiquette, politeness, human kindness, and laying the foundation for a more compassionate and equitable society.
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
