(Hilary Valdez)
An open loving relationship is about being vulnerable with your partner and accepting oneself. If you’re a guy, you don’t want to be just a Big-Side-of-Beef (BSOB) lying on the couch trapped in an emotional straight jacket. A lot of folks emotionally limp along the highway of life. Don’t let pent up bitterness and fears from a past relationship, ambush you. Being emotionally stuck in neutral, a couple will grow apart, it’s a slow erosion. Let go of former relationship baggage. Don’t let your fears dictate your fate in a relationship. However, a fragile male ego quickly becomes stubborn, if he is inwardly disorganized.
We all have mental compartments where we dump stuff and hide. But being emotionally blocked is not a good place to stay. Holding back your emotions leads to high blood pressure. In the realm of personal relationships, openness plays a vital role in cultivating trust, understanding, and growth between couples. By accepting your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, a person begins to develop responsibility for their personal growth and development. The journey of self-understanding and transparency involves assessing and accepting your strengths and determine what needs to be strengthened in yourself and your partner, then making an improvement plan. The problem is men fear labeling and risking vulnerability. But are you willing to volunteer to help yourself? Can you get into emotional overdrive? Or will you just be a BSOB on the couch to nowhere?
Many men do not want to be transparent because they fear rejection or don’t want to appear weak or criticized. Acting like a man means not seeing a therapist, being emotionally restrictive and never being vulnerable. Many guys are filled with anger or hate: Hate means -‘Halt All Tender Emotions.’ But many men build walls around themselves and stay in the anger zone. They have one social gear: anger. Anger is a dangerous place to park. Anger is not resolving conflict, it’s creating it.
We all feel heartache, but human contact is the only remedy. The three pillars of life for well-being are: work, relationships and hobby. All people have to find the balance between vulnerability and emotional sharing to establish meaningful connections and provide a space for the other person to explore their true selves and discover parts of themselves unknown to them. But the answer to clarity is not always clear cut, you have to chip away at it. Work it. It works when you work it. Just have to work it. Successful life management is within you.
The male role requires a man to appear tough, objective, striving and unsentimental. There is no psychological hazmat suit. Life affects you. Tackling emotional struggles and seeking guidance, when necessary, is important for personal growth. No shame here. You don’t want to be stuck in an emotional ditch; the goal is to work on your emotional intelligence. A relationship is a transformative journey exemplifying the power of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and the importance of personal growth. The male role is to self-improve, become confident, empathetic, and positively communicate with his mate and children. Personal growth and emotional intelligence are the foundations of a fulfilling life. New thoughts equals a new journey. If you’re stomping your way around life, you’re going to be a karmic nightmare in a relationship.
If a man is blocked by pride, he will not disclose his despair. Yet faulty decisions can cost a lifetime of dreams. How your children see you respond to a crisis is how they will respond to a crisis. By sharing parts of yourself and experiences, you can positively influence the lives of your children and create a ripple effect, leading to a more compassionate and supportive family environment. Investing in oneself and fostering meaningful connections, your mate and children can achieve success in all aspects of life. However, if you’re a parent, you’re not your kids buddy, so you have to measure the degree of openness.
Psychological vulnerability equals intimacy. As a man begins to open up and share his thoughts, feelings, and experiences with his mate, he begins a journey of mutual discovery. This exchange of personal truths is an invitation for both parties to engage in a deeper, more intimate connection. However, openness must be met with willingness and acceptance from the partner in an effort to truly flourish. Attempting to force or impose openness can be counterproductive and may result in the other person retreating or becoming defensive. Openness must have a purpose. But don’t act like a turtle and hide inside your shell. When the psychic tide rises, are you stronger? Openness is a force that can enhance relationships and personal development. Navigating the intricacies of vulnerability, trust, and acceptance, men can build strong, authentic connections with others and cultivate a deeper understanding of themselves. You’re never too old to change or recycle outdated behavior. This is where tough street ends.
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
