(Hilary Valdez)
“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest.” – Confucius
We need to survive in life. Life can be a combat zone. Life wears us out. You need courage to be yourself. Finding your purpose in life involves creating goals and taking a psychological, spiritual, and emotional inventory of yourself. Finding meaning takes time: we evolve into a life pattern and along the path we discover meaning. Understanding the paradoxes of your inner conflicts in your daily life, is a stepping-stone toward resolving disharmony within yourself. Look at the big picture, look at the doughnut, not the hole. What are your expectations for success? Peace of mind comes from within us, it is not determined by people, places or things. Your point of view on life determines the quality of your life. Go inward
We are swimming in the ocean of life. Eventually, we acquire psychological barnacles. When that happens, we need to be hoisted into psychological dry-dock and gently scrape off those traits, beliefs, attitudes and habits that prevent you from leading a mentally healthy life. If you are stuck in the “social trenches,” then you’ve got your work cut out for you. What does not serve you, scrape off. Avoid being in an “emotional straight jacket” and avoid “psychological quicksand.” Evaluate how you may improve your interpersonal skills, your behavior, and increase your sense of self. Uproot old thinking, plant new thinking. Stinking thinking leads to poor choices that harm you. Psychological maintenance is the key to a successful life.
Strive to improve your emotional atmosphere, with a positive frame of mind, this may help in managing the cycles and strains commonly found in life. There’s a lot of gray in the emotional world. Your job is to prepare yourself to cope with your life transitions. You have the power to change anything about yourself. At some point, each person has to replace their outmoded values and replace them with more effective ones. The challenge is turning adversity into your advantage. Adapt. Improvise. Overcome. Survive. If you want to improve, make a three-month goal to change at least two self-defeating behaviors or thoughts. Work on it. Then work on eliminating self-defeating feelings.
Life is trial and error. We learn from our mistakes and from feedback from friends. When changing and learning, try not to get too defensive. Stop-Look-Listen. Positive thinking takes practice, so practice positive self-talk. Don’t give up. Try to maintain an “open climate” not a “closed climate.” Open means talking about feelings and reactions, hopefully, this is natural. Closed means guarded communication, mistrust, and manipulation. Yet, if you sense something is wrong, then there is something wrong.”
Men and women want the same things … to feel good about themselves, to feel worthwhile, and to be loved. We are all “C” students in life. And for some people, being disillusioned is a major problem; they lose their drive to overcome personal differences. Don’t drown in the psychological quicksand of disappointment and despair. You are entitled to be disappointed or depressed, but not forever. Untie your emotional knots. Free yourself! Talk! What’s bothering you? What issues need to be resolved? Each of us carries a large generational bag of memories acquired from childhood. Uproot outmoded thinking and values that are out of date, out of step, and no longer serve you.
Our stress triangle, the head, neck and shoulders are where we hold a lot of our tension. But our muscles tighten to protect us. Not all stress is bad. It’s a signal that something needs to be done. Stress is the way we respond to change. Most people think of stress as negative. But your body cannot tell the difference between a positive or a negative stressor. You are in control of your happiness. You have the power to change anything about yourself. Be nice to yourself. Avoid the “Try Hards” or over pushing and over trying.
We live in a psychological world; the goal is to develop psychological survival skills: become resilient. No person lives free from inner or outer conflict. People get stuck in an emotional ditch when they have a psychological flat tire, then get clogged up mentally. We may need a fresh coat of psychological immunity for protection. Life has no end of difficulties. Be a good emotional detective. Listen to yourself. Eliminate your self-defeating and self-criticizing thoughts. What are your psychological and emotional functional limits? Correct repeated thinking errors. When you accept yourself just as you are, then you can change. Expand your comfort zone. Practice new behaviors and thinking. Be kind to yourself ... then reconstruct.
“Life is the sum of all your choices.” – Albert Camus
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email. Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
